Less just maybe is more
Yesterday, a group of LEAD.Well members and I gathered for a Leader Roundtable to discuss this month’s theme of Nourish.
Within a few minutes, heads were nodding along as one member said a version of, “The challenge I’m having with the idea of nourish is that I can’t add another to do to my list. So even things like journaling that would probably be nourishing to me, feels like just another thing I don’t have capacity for.”
Over the rest of the hour, these smart, capable women all shared how tired they were, how little capacity they had for more, and how hard it’s been to get the nourishment they need to really thrive. We talked about our desire for friend time (but not on Zoom, please and thank you), our need for solitude and quiet from the endless demands of others (plus the benefits of noise-cancelling headphones) and the role our environment plays on our overall well-being.
I don’t mean to paint too bleak a picture – there were also celebrations and things each woman was excited about. But we couldn’t overlook the fact that we’ve all hit the pandemic wall (once, or maybe even multiple times).
As we continued the conversation, what became clear was that in order to feel truly nourished, we needed to focus less on what to do more of and instead, what to do much less of – creating a To Don’t list vs a To Do one.
Adding things is easy – and it’s baked into our cultural narrative for success. We have been told explicitly and implicitly that the key to success is to do more, be more and have more. So we say yes when we really want to say no. We fill our schedule when what we really want is some chunks of time that aren’t beholden to anyone but us. And we try to push harder when what we really need is to rest and go slower.
But we forget that removing things is an option as well. Yes, of course there are things we have to keep doing (my kids seem to require food daily), but there are likely many others that are in our calendars or taxing our mental energy simply out of habit or because we’ve never considered something different.
And so, in the spirit of keeping you from hitting that pandemic wall at full force, may I offer you a moment to consider what you can remove vs what you might add?
What can you remove?
Where can you delete, remove, stop, pause, delegate or defer in order to free up a bit of space to nourish yourself? It might look like taking a break from social media for a while, or saying no to another Zoom, or even removing one of the “supposed to” self-care items that isn’t feeling particularly restorative right now.
I haven’t been on Instagram since June. What started as an experiment has since become a regular way of operating. I’ll write more on that and what I’ve learned soon, but this one step has been one of the most nourishing decisions I’ve made in a LONG time. It wasn’t what I needed to add to feel better, it’s what I needed to take away.
Take a moment and create a To Don’t list and give yourself permission to list out all things that might be impeding your capacity for calmness and clarity. Find one – maybe more – that you can remove without any significant consequence. And then give yourself one of those coveted check marks for not doing it.
To doing less, not more,
Steph (she/her)
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p.s. If you’d like to join us inside LEAD.Well, I encourage you to do so soon. Prices go up fairly significantly March 1st. Your membership includes monthly events, access to a private podcast feed and special member newsletter, and quarterly Leadership Labs to build your leadership skills. Entrepreneurs & professionals alike are welcome. Learn more here.
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Curated links from around the web to help you work well, live well and lead well.
A Twitter friend posted this week that she’d hit the pandemic wall. As I shared with her how common that was in the conversations I was having with clients, she said, “I think what has been keeping me going is knowing it’s not just me.” So a reminder that you’re not alone – most of us have hit the pandemic wall. And according to this article, it makes sense. “We’ve been at this for a year now, and our fight-or-flight system ― the emotional reaction to stress that has been otherwise energizing us throughout the pandemic ― is totally overloaded. When that happens, the constant flow of adrenaline starts to drain and apathy settles in. It seems that we’ve all gone over that tipping point.”
HBR also shares my desire to take things off the to do list. In this piece, Want to be more productive? Try doing less, they offer up a quick exercise to help you figure out what stays and what goes. “When you stop doing the things that make you feel busy but aren’t getting you results (and are draining you of energy), then you end up with more than enough time for what matters and a sense of peace and spaciousness that constant activity has kept outside your reach.”
In times of uncertainty, our most creative thoughts can happen through play. Given that play is a key form of nourishment, I was interested in how it also contributes to our creativity. I’m not particularly great at play (I was the mom who did not enjoy getting on the floor to push cars around with my young kids), but it’s a muscle I’d like to build. It seems to me that after the year we’ve had, a little play might be good for the soul, and the bottom line.
I believe that speakers should be paid to speak. There are the occasional times where it makes sense to gift a talk, but if you can pay for the AV, the food, the swag and the event space – you can certainly pay the speakers who are the reason (or a good chunk of the reason) why attendees are there. I liked Areej AbuAli’s, founder of TechSEOWomen, take on speaker fees here.
“An office is basically a big clock with humans for hands.” It’s been a LONG time since I’ve worked in a traditional office building, but I still found this piece interesting (and I remember my crying spot) – The Secret, Essential Geography of the Office.
I’m caving in and making the Tik Tok Pasta this weekend. Have you tried it – the one that caused a feta cheese shortage in Finland? It looks promising with a few add-ins for more flavour (lemon zest, oregano, shrimp). Here’s the “recipe” if you want to try.
not everything you do has
to be self-improving
you are not a machine
you are a person
without rest
your work can never be full
without play
your mind can never be nourished-balance
By Rupi Kaur
💥THE WEEK IN A GIF
Me trying to get excited about Clubhouse. I’ve been to one chat (is that what they’re called?) and it was fine. But building an audience on a platform that a) you don’t control and b) is based on attending in real-time only, seems hardly sustainable for most creatives. My two cents.
