“Am I sharing too much? Am I being too vulnerable?”
These were the questions I voxed a couple of close friends this week. I was having a vulnerability hangover of some description, and I started to question whether my content, specifically these Leadership Letters, was running a little too close to the vest. I wondered out loud if I was compromising how you might see me or whether I’d come off as less of an ‘expert.’
You see, in the early days of my business, I wrote a lot of the tried-and-true kinds of articles. I created my fair share of how-to’s and listicles designed to get the easy clicks.
But as the years wore on, my appetite for writing these same-same articles that centered me as the expert and you as the non-expert started to feel out of integrity and disingenuous. And writing them, frankly, felt kind of boring.
And so I shifted.
I started talking about leadership more, and in particular, the kind of leadership that is human-centric, messy and is oriented around my philosophy that leadership is a practice, not a position.
I also started writing these Leadership Letters, and over time, shifted from writing at you to writing with you (this took a lot of practice after more than a decade in professional communication roles).
This now means that I share my own leadership path; the ups and downs, the bumps and bruises, the wins and successes along the way. I strive to bring my humanity to my work as a leadership and business coach, and not gloss over the hard stuff to only show you the shiny.
This has been especially important this past year given there was nothing shiny about everything we were collectively (and individually) going through.
But truthfully? Some days it feels awkward and vulnerable, and I wonder if I should go back to writing content that removes me from the story and is more Google and SEO friendly.
But I just can’t do it anymore.
Because 13 years into small business ownership and 43 years into my own personal leadership journey, there are a few things I know to be true:
1) leadership isn’t a linear, step-by-step path,
2) we never arrive at some endpoint, and
3) the messiness and vulnerability are what make it human and real.
Evidence has shown me (in the form of your replies) that when I share my personal ebbs and flows, it doesn’t detract from my leadership, it enhances it.
Last week, software company Basecamp stepped into it big time when they announced via their blog new company-wide policies banning political talk at work, among other problematic things (leadership tip: never announce publicly what you haven’t yet told your employees).
There are so many things wrong with both their approach and its execution, not to mention the hypocrisy, that I’m sure I could fill an entire letter dissecting it. I won’t, as there’s better analysis out there from former employees (1/3 of the company took a buyout last week) and people closer to the situation. You can read more below in the Lead section.
What really struck me was their desire to strip the humanness out of their work culture by removing any conversations that weren’t focused on the product itself.
They proclaimed that political talk was a distraction and that people shouldn’t have to come to work worried about whether they’re a target or complicit. Employees were free to talk about political and societal issues on their own time, but no longer on Basecamp’s. #convenient 🙄
Cutting off these discussions during work hours isn’t leadership, it’s privileged avoidance. We may partially understand their intent, but the impact is what matters most. These policies send a dangerous and hurtful message to the staff who work there that their lived experiences and day-to-day realities only matter after 5 pm.
And frankly, it’s impractical.
Because here’s the rub: everything is political.
Everything we do, everything we consume, everyone we work with, the way that we lead, where we shop, what we eat, how we navigate projects and people at work, and how we make decisions – it’s ALL political.
Because politics isn’t just about parties, candidates and elections; it’s inextricably connected to everything and is woven into the way we all navigate the world. There is no apolitical workforce, no matter how hard one might try to create one. To suggest otherwise is silly, and to stifle conversation around it is privileged (ask any person from a marginalized community if they get to check their politics and identity at the door when they walk into work).
And it doesn’t lead to better productivity or creative output; it leads to low morale, a whole lot of side-talking and a lack of trust in leadership.
It’s not unlike Rachel Hollis’ mess when she actively positioned herself as being unrelatable as though it were a leadership virtue we should all be striving for, followed by a few pseudo-apologies once she realized her community was white-hot mad.
It seems to me that somewhere along the way, both Basecamp and Hollis have become disconnected from the ideals of authenticity they once espoused, and as they grew in status, wealth and fame, forgot that people powered their businesses and that their job was to lead them well – even when it was hard, personally uncomfortable and vulnerable.
It would later be revealed that the desire to shut down communications at Basecamp might have been less about reigning in people’s conversations about the politics du jour, and much more a ‘the call is coming from inside the house‘ avoidance of a host of internal issues. Rather than leading the company through it, taking ownership for calling out racist behaviour and communications, and being in the discomfort of it all, Jason and DHH just shut it down. Hello, Reply All and Bon Appetit all over again.
This is the fundamental problem when we view leadership purely from the lens of position, status, pedestals and perfection.
Because your charisma and business prowess might be enough to get you into high places, but if you aren’t doing your own personal leadership work along the way, one day it’s probably going to come crashing down. As they say, “what got you to here, won’t get you to there.”
It’s why I’m so passionate about having a different conversation about leadership: a sustainable, people-first, values-driven approach to leading ourselves and others that neither props us up onto pedestals (that we’ll inevitably fall from) nor requires us to leave part of ourselves on the sidelines.
I’d like to see us all let go of holding up people and companies as gurus and icons; affording them way too much power while diminishing our own in the process.
I want us to normalize the humanness of leadership and life, because the truth is, most of us are just taking it one day at a time and trying to do the best we can with what we have.
We mess up, we make amends, we move on.
We struggle, we hustle, we rest.
We rise, we fall, we stay stuck.
We lead, we listen, we learn.
Leadership is messy, it’s hard, it’s uncertain and it’s certainly uncomfortable at times. It requires hard conversations, a commitment to self-reflection, deep listening and the courage to do what’s right (even when it’s easier not to).
It’s also terrifically fulfilling, meaningful and has the power to make things better.
But most of all, leadership is human. And great leadership makes room for the whole person, not just a piece or a persona.
If you’re asked to leave a piece of who you are behind, the ask is too great.
If you’re reluctant, as I sometimes am, to be vulnerable for fear of a credibility crack, then go spend five minutes with the people you’re here to lead. They want realness. They crave your humanity. They will be inspired by your willingness to show up without pretense or a cloak of perfection.*
*(for clarity’s sake, let me add that realness and vulnerability are not the same thing as bare-all exposure. Leadership doesn’t require you Dear Diary your followers).
Let’s model a better way to lead. We’ve done the other way long enough and I’m not seeing the evidence that it’s the optimal way forward.
I’ll keep showing up here as I am, with all my glorious imperfections and idiosyncrasies. And I’ll share my stories, my leadership and my humanity with you along the way in the hopes that it makes you feel a little less alone and gives you permission to do the same.
Steph (she/her)
x
p.s. If you enjoy my Leadership Letters and want to start publishing your own newsletter (or grow the one you have), join me in June for a short, action-focused group program, Remarkable Newsletters.
💡 FRESH, HAND-PICKED RESOURCES
Curated links from around the web to help you work well, live well and lead well.
Should you wish to go down the Basecamp rabbit hole further, here are a few pieces to begin with. Coinbase is a mission focused company (this happened right before Basecamp’s announcement // Breaking Camp // Work and Let Work: Three models for managing political conflict (not sure I agree with all of this, but posting for discussion) // How political should I let my team be? // Jason Fried’s latest update
One of the inherent problems with Basecamp and others is their lack of listening. However, it can be challenging for leaders to pull out the quiet voices in the room and instead default to those who are the loudest and most vocal. Here’s a primer on 5 Ways to Engage Quiet Staff in Meetings.
I’m not sure I entirely agree with all the points made in this article, but overall it offers up some no b.s. advice on how to grow your career without all the tired suggestions we’re so used to hearing. 7 Pieces of Bad Career Advice Women Should Ignore.
For when it’s time. It’s not quite time around these parts, but this is still a funny, sweet reminder that one day we’ll be together again. (h/t to Gina for the find)
In my Leadership Lab on Communicating as a Leader we talked about the importance of language, how words matter and that it’s our responsibility as leaders to do our due diligence when using phrases and words that may seem benign to us, but hurtful or dismissive to others. Case in point: using the term ‘guys’ to refer to people casually. As easy as it is to do (and oh how many times I have), it’s not an inclusive term. This article speaks to the history of this catch-all word, why it’s problematic and what to use instead (I’m partial to “Hi friends or “Hey folks” myself). ‘Guys’ is not gender-neutral—let’s stop using it like it is.
I can get behind this career advice 💯.
Also, this >> If You Don’t Want to Go, Say No: Most social obligations would be best left in the Before Time.
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang
I worried. ~Mary Oliver
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💥THE WEEK IN A GIF
Trying to be cool and chill with news that starting tomorrow, my kiddos are back home for two weeks as our province contends with the highest COVID numbers in all of North America. Wish me patience.
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