Our struggle exists in the limbo.

 
I spend a lot of time with clients around making decisions. We talk options, opportunities, scenarios and play out all the possibilities with an eye toward making a decision (read: a commitment). Sometimes the answers come easily and have staying power.

But more often then not, self-doubt creeps in and we turn the options over, again and again (and again) hoping we’ll magically be able to pick the ‘right’ choice.

And all this time and effort feels important and worthy of our attention. We justify our mental somersaulting with the belief that we’re just trying to be strategic and smart about our next steps, when what we’re really doing is causing ourselves a lot of emotional anguish and major decision fatigue.
 

There is rarely a right decision.

 
We are human, we are fallible and let’s face it, a lot of our external conditions are mostly outside our control. Our best choice decision might fail miserably, and our made-at-the-last-minute call might turn out to be amazing.

We like to believe we have the power and control to know, but most of the time, it’s a bit of a crapshoot.

This is what I said to my client today as she sat in the in-between of her hard decisions and readiness to commit to a path. She realized she had been spending a lot of needless energy in limbo: not moving forward, but also not at peace with staying put.

All the waiting and wondering and holding off was causing her unnecessary suffering, and was using up way more energy and time than the actual activities she was considering.

There’s a time and a place for pausing; not every decision or commitment should be made in haste. Our job is to discern the difference between intentional deliberation or exploration and perfection-driven delays, and the act accordingly.
 

Remember: making no decision is still a decision.

 
So, how do you know the difference?

The easiest way to know is to assess your recent behaviour. If you haven’t moved the thing you’re hemming and hawing about forward in any meaningful way, whether that’s via research, outreach, practicing, experimenting, communicating or connecting, chances are good this limbo isn’t in service of you or your goals.

Exploration is a verb – it requires action and movement. If you’re up in your head about it all (as I am wont to do), you’re likely stuck in a perpetual spiral of confusion, angst and indecision.
 
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself too:

Am I waiting for permission to make this choice?

Am I waiting to feel 100% confident before I begin?

Am I worried if I pick a path it might not work, and then what?

Am I hoping a flash of insight will come with the answers?

Am I scared to commit for fear of keeping things up or being held to my decision?
 
If you answered yes to any of these (and most of us have at some point, including me), then you can be pretty sure you’ve moved out of preparation and planning, and directly into decision purgatory.

And then, the only helpful option is to pick, trusting that whatever comes next, you can handle it and adjust as needed.
 
As W.H. Murray said,

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.

 
So make the decision, decide to commit and trust yourself to move forward. It’ll likely be messy, bumpy and uncertain at times but that’s part of what it means to be human. Perfection is an illusion and all that any of us can do is to wake up each morning committed to doing the best we can with what we have. And that’s a whole lot less exhausting than living in limbo, waiting for someday or one day to come.

Need help making an important decision or moving out of the waiting place? Book a complimentary call with me and we’ll explore how to bust you out of limbo and into focused action. You can book a no-pressure call with me here.

Lead well,

Steph (she/her)
x

 

💡FRESH, HAND-PICKED RESOURCES:

Curated links from around the web to help you work well, live well and lead well
 

 
 
 
 

 

 

🎙️This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about living in limbo. I recorded a podcast episode many moons ago, with a deeper look at why we wait. You can listen to it here: The Waiting Place.
 
Often our tendency toward waiting is really fear of failure in disguise. As long as we haven’t decided, we’re not at risk of failing (or succeeding), and some of us can stay like this indefinitely. The trap is what we miss out on as a result, and usually those perceived failures never actually come to pass, and if they do, are but a blip in the grand scheme of our lives. So, Go Ahead and Fail.
 

Why starting is more important than succeeding. I love this piece by James Clear, with the reminder that we tend toward measuring the wrong thing, while neglecting the one that really matters. Whenever I get stuck here, I think of my kids and what I hope they learn and practice: that what matters is their courage to start, not in the absence of fear or failure, but in spite of it.

 


 
 
 
 

 

 

Last month inside LEAD.Well, we talked about the opportunities and trappings of visibility, particularly (but not limited to) women. Here are three courageous humans standing up for their convictions, and using their voice to create change and shift our thinking. I say bravo to all three. 👏

     

  1. I’m not an Armchair Expert loyalist (no extra time for 2+ hour podcasts these days), but I did listen to this one with Prince Harry. It was candid, thoughtful and often funny. I have mad respect for Prince Harry & Meghan for pushing back against a system that was harmful. You can listen to Dax and Harry’s chat here.
  2.  

  3. As Hillary Clinton said on Twitter, “This took guts.” Lake Highlands High Valedictorian Pulls Switcheroo on Commencement Speech. May I raise my two children to have the courage and audacity to speak up like this for something they care deeply about.
  4.  
     

  5. And to Naomi Osaka, the second ranked women in international tennis, who put her mental health above adhering to tennis conventions. Naomi Osaka Is Part of a Larger War Within Sports: The tennis star’s fight with the French Open is a disagreement over who should make the rules—and how much power athletes have to protect themselves.

 


 
 
 
 

 

 

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

~Barack Obama

 

 

🌱 INSIDE LEAD.Well:

 
You are welcome to jump into LEAD.Well at any time, and enjoy the conversation, content and community of like-minded women exploring and growing in their own leadership.

Here’s what we’re up to in LEAD.Well:

  • New theme! This month we’re exploring the idea of going ‘Back to One‘ (it’s time for a reset!)
  • Launched the 1st Annual LEAD.Well Summer Reading Guide
  • Our next Leader Retreat – a full-day session to map your next 90-days is coming up on June 25th.

If you love my Leadership Letters, LEAD.Well offers you deeper analysis, behind-the-scenes insights, a private podcast feed, monthly events and a growing Leadership Resource Hub filled with my best tools and recommendations.

Learn more and join us here.

 

💥THE WEEK IN A GIF

 
Happy Pride Month! 🌈

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