Decision fatigue is real. And I have it.

I am really tired of making decisions.

Small decisions:

• What should we eat for dinner tonight on this 7 bazillioneth meal at home?
• Is it best for me to tell the five people I saw today at Safeway that wearing a mask (now mandatory) means covering your mouth AND your nose?
• Should I get dressed for real, or are yoga pants ok again today?

Medium decisions:

• Is it ok if my kiddo plays in a friend’s neighborhood pool as long as he stays outside and isn’t in it with too many kids at once? Is it ok if my daughter’s soccer team moves to games now and creates a new cohort group, or do I want her to stay where she is?
• Should I watch the daily presser reporting our numbers so I can stay informed or should I save my sanity and read a book instead?
• Should I take a day off of work to spend with my daughter who’s feeling the boredom of summer, or should I hunker down and meet my self-imposed deadline?

Big decisions:

• Is it appropriate to travel to visit my in-laws this summer given that my father-in-law is 83? Should we test first? Should we do a marathon drive to reduce the risks?
• What the heck should we do about school? Send them back (our province’s plan) and hope for the best? Or take advantage of our school board’s online offering and find new ways to help the kids maintain friend ties? What is best for everyone, not just what is best for us?
• How can I best run my business moving forward, given the ground below us has shifted and the future remains uncertain?

Decision fatigue is real, and I have it.

I feel compelled to always offer the caveat that in the grand scheme of things, these are privileged problems to have. My kids can stay home from school and while it will be hard, we will manage just fine. Worrying about whether to make a decent meal or to tell my family to FFY (fend for yourself) is not a high-stakes decision. I get that.

And yet, there are so many more decisions to make these days, and while some are relatively inconsequential and simply annoying, others are heavy and hard. I’ve found myself spinning in circles at times trying to JUST.FIGURE.IT.OUT.ALREADY.

When I’m in the throes of decision-stress, I notice two things: 1) my anxiety starts rising and I feel my body start to react, and 2) I’m not the nicest person to be around. Not awesome, and not very sustainable.

I know I’m not alone – this has been a subject of conversations with my friends, soccer moms, clients and across social media (well, Twitter – b/c I’m still off FB and IG — and loving it!).

Clearly, I don’t have a magic answer to this all (though I did record a podcast episode years ago on it – but that was pre-pandemic), but here’s what I’m trying to remember/incorporate as I navigate the flood of daily decisions that come my way.

Hopefully this is helpful.
 

1. 1. 1. I ask myself what I need to make the decision: Do I need more data? Do I need more time? Do I need to consult somebody (being careful that not everybody gets a vote)? Do I need to turn the decision over to somebody else (Hey hubby, you’re on dinner duty tonight!). When we’re stressed about decision-making, sometimes we don’t have what we need to make the final call in the first place. Identify what that is, and then seek it out.

       

      2. I ask myself if I need to make the decision now: The back-to-school decision has been weighing on me heavily. A couple of days ago I realized that I didn’t actually need to make the final call until August 24th (the cut-off for our online learning option). Yes, I’ll have to make it eventually, but between now and then, I can apply strategy #1 and get the information I need and have the conversations I want to have before we sign-off on things. That has relieved the burden of going back-and-forth on an hourly basis around what to do.

       

      3. I ask myself if I can make one blanket decision: Part of what creates decision fatigue is the relentless offering up of options. When we can choose many things, it makes choosing anything that much harder. One of the blanket decisions I made a few weeks back was that, barring a few exceptions, letting the kids have fun outside was ok with us. They still have guidelines around how they do it, but it freed up needing to make a daily decision about each friend request. Same rules for meals: Saturday is pizza night, Wednesday is FFY or leftovers. That’s two less nights I have to decide what to make.

   Finally, as always, I tap my values when the stakes are high and the decisions are hard. My struggle with school has been made modestly easier by leaning into my value around curiosity. I’m asking more questions, staying open (well, as open as I can given how frustrated I am with some of the politics of re-opening) and holding it as loosely as this over-planner possibly can. Not perfect, but it helps.

   And here’s your captain obvious bonus tip (which I always forget): Decision-making doesn’t get easier when you try to force it. 🤣

   Walking away from the problem, reducing your inputs (Hubby got after me to stop watching all the news!!), and engaging in some joy-making goes a long way to give some distance and much-needed perspective when the decision feels super stuck.

   We’ve got a lot of individual and collective decisions ahead of us this year and beyond, so let’s find smart, simple ways to make the burden a little more bearable as we go.

   Steph
   x

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   💡 FRESH, HAND-PICKED RESOURCES

   Curated links from around the web to help you work well, live well and lead well.
    
   
    

   As I continue to take a social media break over the summer from FB and IG, this post by Tsh really spoke to me. What’s your take on it, and what role does social media play in your life and work? As far as I can tell from many convos – we all have a love-hate thing going.

   What often keeps us from making a decision is the fear of making the wrong one. This simple post argues that There is no such thing as a bad decision.

   We’ve all been a room with someone trying to explain something to us and after a few minutes our mind wanders and we wonder what on earth the person is even talking about. Here are some tips on how to not be that person. How to explain anything to anyone: 4 steps to clearer communication.

   Where Did My Ambition Go? “Among the enormous changes that must be made, my dreams are, rightly, trivial. And yet they are still my dreams.”

   Recently Read: Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (so wonderful), The Light of the World by Elizabeth Alexander (also loved), and Break Shot: My First 21 Years by James Taylor (an Audible-only listen).

    

   

   This episode, Covid-19 and Moral Reasoning, of Pantsuit Politics deeply resonated with me as they cover QAnon (and when people you know join in), Joe Biden’s VP pick (my money is on Susan Rice but honestly? there is not a bad choice to be found) and a robust discussion around morality and Covid-19.

   Yes, please call me predictable, but I’ve got Taylor Swift’s Folklore album on repeat around here. It is the balm to my back-to-school decision-fatigue stress.

   While I haven’t dug into Jia Tolentino’s book, Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion yet (it’s sitting there begging to be read), I loved this interview she did with Ezra Klein. “If the Internet is the central organ of contemporary life, its engine is self-hood.”

   And I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Netflix remake of The Babysitter’s Club with my tween. It’s smart, it’s relevant and full of good messages.

    

   

   I’m proud to call this woman a friend, and an incredible source of inspiration. “If you get really smart young people from different political backgrounds and different parts of the country it leads to better public policy.” — Her husband also introduced me to The West Wing 20 years ago, and I am forever grateful (currently on my 4th full series viewing).

   I recently subscribed to the Anti-Racism Daily newsletter. Each day, you’re served up an idea, a clear call-to-action and information to help you learn more. Monday’s newsletter spoke about the idea of white fatigue, defined by Joseph Flynn, author and professor, as “A quasi-form of white resistance in which white folks are understanding that racism is wrong, but get tired and frustrated with conversation about race because of its complexity.” This newsletter is a helpful way to stay awake and to keep going.

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   Have you heard of the Lazy Genius? Kendra Adichi has a popular podcast and blog, and is less than a week away from her book launch. I love her practical, but thoughtful advice for how to “Be a genius about the things that matter, and lazy about the things that don’t.” If you pre-order her book before August 10th, you can also take advantage of some great pre-order bonuses.

   Hyphen? En dash? Em dash? Who even knows. 🤷‍♀️ Here’s a quick memo card to help (I’ll be referencing on the regular).

    

   

   This is lovely, especially as travel is on pause. Open a new window somewhere in the world.

   Loved their reaction to the drum solo. There’s something special about hearing a great song for the first time. (h/t Brian Clark for the find)

    

   

   Untethered

   ~Allison Joseph

    

   what anger in defiance
   what sympathy in doubt
   emotions steady try us
   demanding every shout

   what sympathy in doubt
   what pleasure in our pain
   demanding are our shouts
   such hazardous terrain

   what pleasure in our pain
   mere thinness to our skin
   such hazardous terrain
   such unrelenting din

   sheer thinness of our skin
   the ruptures and the breaks
   such unrelenting din
   mistake after mistake

   we rupture and we break
   we stagger and we shine
   mistake after mistake
   inhabiting our minds

   we stagger and we shine
   we live our lives on spin
   inhabiting our minds
   and undermining limbs

   we live our lives on spin
   and thrive until we grieve
   we undermine our limbs
   then get the strength to leave

   we thrive until we grieve
   emotions steady try us
   we get the strength. we leave.
   what anger in defiance.

   *read more about this poem here

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   💥THE WEEK IN A GIF

   Puddling in the heat wave. It only lasts a couple of weeks per year, but I’m never ready for it.

   

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

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