Are you exploring your growth edges?
“These kids are so much bigger than me. What am I even doing here?”
In early November, my daughter went to her first goalie training with her new soccer club, Mackenzie United.
Because she’s now with the U13 and up group, she’s training amongst 14, 15 and 16 year old kids. She’s only 12 and she’s on the shorter side (got that from me, sorry kid!).
She was intimidated the minute she set foot on the field. And honestly, she struggled throughout the entire training session. She was scared and nervous, and just wanted to get the heck out of there.
I couldn’t blame her. I wouldn’t have wanted to be in net for some of the shots blasted at her.
And as a parent, I was holding the tension of: “Did I put her in a situation beyond her capacity to succeed?” and “Is this a growth edge worth exploring for her?”
After it was over, we talked it through in the car.
At first she was very upset and told me she wouldn’t go back. But as we talked more, her opinion started to shift.
I said, “I can ask if you can join the U12 and under goalie training group, but you’ll be the oldest and likely, strongest of the bunch. Is that what you’d like to do?”
“No, I’ll go back next week,” she said, somewhat begrudgingly.
I asked her why and she said that she knew she wouldn’t get better if she trained with the kids below age level, and that she wanted to get better.
We talked about how we only improve when we’re stepping outside our comfort zone, not squarely and safely inside it.
We talked about how, with time, these weekly sessions will feel less scary as her skills and confidence develop.
And we talked about how when we uplevel, our goal isn’t to be as proficient as we were before we stepped up, but to allow ourselves permission to learn and fail until we figure it out.
This is worth highlighting.
As we progress in our careers, developing deep expertise and experience along the way, we can easily fall into the belief that we now must have all the answers and know how to do all the things.
Remember, leadership is a practice, not a position.
And when we stretch ourselves, we’re going to bump up against areas where mastery has yet to develop. For seasoned leaders, this can feel pretty uncomfortable.
Trust in a) your ability to grow and develop, and b) others likely appreciation not criticism of your willingness to be vulnerable enough to say, “I’m still learning.”
Back to my kid.
I’m so proud that she, despite her fears (and likely impostery feelings), decided that her development was important enough to work on by coming back the following week. And the week after that.
She also added 1:1 goalie training sessions with a college-level keeper to get that private mentorship that just can’t be found in group sessions.
Fast forward to now.
Yesterday her team wrapped up their last game of the indoor season against the hardest team in the league. While it didn’t result in a win, and my kid was frustrated she let in a couple of goals, she also made some big saves and walked out proud (after a few tears).
She has grown leaps and bounds as a goalie. Parents who’ve known her for years have said to me, “It’s so great to see all her hard work paying off – you can see her confidence shining.”
Does she still have a lot to learn? Absolutely. Does she still get scared? Before every game.
But does she also have evidence of what she’s capable of in a way she didn’t before? Damn straight.
And it’s glorious to see.
When we test our own limits and push our own growth edges, it’s going to feel uncomfortable at times as we doubt whether we’re up for the task.
It’s a terrifying feeling, but if we keep going, it’s also where we can feel the growth happen in real time.
Where are your growth edges?
And how can you start stretching them?
You might just surprise yourself.
Keep going,
Steph
p.s. This letter originated as a post on LinkedIn. I write (almost) daily on leadership. I’d love to connect with you there.
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