It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“Who knows where it will go or what will happen.”
Those were (roughly) the words a friend said to me yesterday about an incredible opportunity that had recently landed in her lap.
We were debriefing over Voxer, discussing all the things that could come from this totally unexpected, didn’t-have-it-on-any-bingo-card moment: would she see an increase in client inquiries, would it open up doors to new people, could it lead to a big audience boost?
(I know I’m being cryptic about the details, but they aren’t mine to share)
And while she was excited about it, she was also doing what most people would do in this situation: she was tempering her expectations.
Because, as we both conceded, what might come next would be largely out of her control. The opportunity came, she seized it and gave it her best, and soon it would be out in the world, well beyond her own ability to manage it.
She knows what she’d love to happen, but she has no idea if any of it will come to pass.
Can we acknowledge how very hard it is to let go of outcomes?
While she was Voxing me about her situation, I was sending an equally long Vox back to her while in the throws of my own vulnerability hangover and ‘managing expectations’ moment.
As you may have seen, yesterday I opened the doors to LEAD.Well for new members. I’ve been in business for almost 14 years, and the whole launching part is mighty stressful – from the selling part, to the tech issues part, to the putting your work out into the world to be accepted or rejected part.
Here’s the thing: I love what I’ve built inside LEAD.Well. It’s taken 20 months to get it to a place that I’m really proud of, with a suite of offerings that I KNOW will be useful to any woman looking to level up her leadership. The women that are already inside are remarkable, thoughtful and whip-smart humans and the conversations we’ve had together have been inspiring and life-giving, especially through the pandemic.
But coming into your inbox at an increased frequency to tell you all this and invite you to join, on repeat? That stretches me waaaay out of my personal comfort zone (despite asking my clients to stretch in this way too..cobbler’s son syndrome).
Like my friend, I went into all forms of speculation: would people get annoyed at the emails? With the 86,000 other emails we all get, would mine cut through the noise? Would people be able to differentiate between my offer and all the others screaming for attention with discount codes, shining branding and promises of fame and fortune? Would anyone sign up for this round?
Can we acknowledge (again) how very hard it is to let go of outcomes?
You may be wondering what the point of this story is, and I promise there’s one beyond two women exchanging their creative fears on Voxer (though, let’s take a moment to acknowledge just how normal and common this is).
As we ping-ponged our messages back and forth; first sharing about our experiences and concerns, followed by a few pep talks, we both landed in a place I don’t think either of us expected.
We realized that while we had no idea how any of this would end up – whether or how we’d reap any clear, tangible benefits, one thing was certain: someone out there who was taking in what we were sharing, would be impacted for the better. Even if we never knew they were.
And that would make it worth doing.
The invisible is important
As leaders, we do so much work out loud.
We lead people, give speeches, launch products, share our art, spearhead projects and serve communities. Our work is often visible to those around us and the feedback loop is usually tight and obvious. We try to #buildinpublic and share our progress on social for all to see.
We can see the impact we’re having (if we’re paying attention) on a day-to-day basis because we’ve got systems and people in place to make sure we know how it’s all going.
We’ve got check-ins, KPIs and weekly reviews to catch any issues early. And if our hearts and doors are open, we probably have a pretty keen sense as to whether our leadership is landing or languishing.
But what about all the invisible impacts we don’t get feedback on or see the ripple effects of?
What about the moments where we said something in passing and it was exactly what someone needed to hear? What about the times we’ve modelled how to handle tough situations, even if we didn’t know who was watching in the background? What about the boundaries we set to protect our time and energy, that then gave permission for someone else to do the same (even if they never told us)? What about the post we wrote on social that we thought flopped, but instead left an imprint on a reader who felt heard (even if they didn’t leave a comment)?
We show up every day, never knowing fully how our words and actions are impacting others (for better or for worse). Even with all our metrics and feedback loops, it’s inevitable that we’ll leave a mark on people in ways that we may never come to know.
To lead is to let go a little
The purpose of my work is to help people become better, braver everyday leaders. The ‘everyday’ part is important, as I said here on Twitter.
And the way I see it, in order to be everyday leaders, we need to be willing to let go of our constant quest for the extraordinary and the high expectations that come with them.
Are these things mutually exclusive? Of course not – nothing ever is.
We can be loud, we can be extraordinary! We can go after our wildest goals and mobilize our people toward a shared vision. We can create, launch and lap up all the external rewards, metrics and accolades that come with our efforts.
But along the way, may we also keep in mind that many invisible, impactful moments are also happening in tandem that we’re probably oblivious to: partly because that’s the nature of invisibility (#captainobvious) AND partly because we’ve got such a tight grip on all the external outcomes that we just wind up missing them.
Who might we inspire if we use our leadership purposefully and generously, regardless of how it might benefit us in return? And who might we empower if we focused our leadership not just on those extraordinary moments, but the everyday ones as well?
Let’s not underestimate the invisible power we have when we let go of our own expectations enough to see it.
Steph (she/her)
x
p.s. The doors to LEAD.Well are now open and we’re enrolling new members. I’d love you to consider joining us inside. We offer Lifetime Membership and a suite of leadership, coaching and community support to help you grow as a leader.
👉 Join the LEAD.Well Community
Join by December 10th and save $100.
➡️ Use the coupon code DEC1 to take $50 off your first two payments for the monthly, or 5-pay plan.
➡️ Use coupon code DEC1FP to take a full $100 off the full-pay plan.
💡 FRESH, HAND-PICKED RESOURCES
Curated links from around the web to help you work well, live well and lead well.
In other exciting news, my podcast is getting a name change! Episode #99 is live and when the clock strikes #100, it will no longer be the Rise without Compromise podcast, and will instead become, Everyday Leadership for Smart Women.
Stay tuned (haha)!
🎙️In the meantime, I’ve put together a few playlists of previous episodes in case you want to listen over the holiday season:
Playlist #1: The Pandemic Edition
Playlist #2: The Leadership Edition
Playlist #3: The Productivity Edition
Playlist #4: The Brave Edition
Playlist #5: The Planning Edition
My friend, LEAD.Well member and client, Victoria Smith is a published author! Yep, while most of us were watching Tiger King in the early days of the pandemic, Victoria was writing her first book, all with two young kids at home, a business and a full-time job.
She’s amazing, and so is the book: Stress Less in 90 Days.
I’d love you to go pick up a copy – a great holiday gift for anyone on your list!
And I invite you to listen in our recent podcast conversation where we talk about ‘leading in the margins,’ or in other words: how she made time to actually get this book written.
You can listen to our conversation here.
The power of the visible is the invisible.
~Marianne Moore
🌱 INSIDE LEAD.Well:
As I mentioned yesterday, our doors are open! We are currently welcoming new members into LEAD.Well for our upcoming seasons that kicks off January 1st. Exciting!!
Here’s what’s coming:
- December 17th: Full-day Leader Retreat to close out 2021, and then plan and prepare for 2022.
- January 1: New Season Kick-Off! We’re exploring, The Courage to Lead
- Mid-January: Bonus planning sessions on systems, visibility and project planning.
- And much more!
👉 Join the LEAD.Well Community
Join by December 10th and save $100.
➡️ Use the coupon code DEC1 to take $50 off your first two payments for the monthly, or 5-pay plan.
➡️ Use coupon code DEC1FP to take a full $100 off the full-pay plan.
We’d love to have you inside our growing community of smart, thoughtful and caring women.
💥THE WEEK IN A GIF
Me thinking I had my tech ducks in a row, only to have one dive deep below the water and pop up in another pond altogether. 🦆
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