“I just want to make sure I make the right choice. I don’t want to waste my time going down a path that isn’t the right one.”
I hear (or say) a version of this at least once a week with clients, friends and colleagues.
The reality of our lives in 21st century is that they are ripe with choice. The constraints of generations before us no longer hinder us: we aren’t required to select from a small set of options as we carve out our career path, but instead, are promised boundless opportunities and endless options for living our purpose.
What a gift, and what a burden.
As Barry Schwartz says in his book, The Paradox of Choice:
“Learning to choose is hard. Learning to choose well is harder. And learning to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities is harder still, perhaps too hard.”
These boundless choices requires us to simultaneously hold two competing ideas at once:
- I have so many options available to me – what a gift and what a privilege
- I have too many options available to me – what a privilege and what a burden to figure out which one to pick
That tension then leads many of us to struggle to choose at all. Or it finds us picking a path only to pick another one three weeks later when the shine has worn off the first choice and things start to feel real (and hard).
A friend of mine recently launched a new course out into the world and now that the initial buzz is over, she’s facing what many of us do on the other side of something big: “Did I make the right choice? Will this work out? What if I made the wrong bet?”
A client of mine is on the phone with me as we map out her plans for the year ahead. She’s swimming in ideas: they all sound good, they all could work, which one should she pick, she asks?
A community member of mine is unhappy in the job she currently holds, but she knows what’s expected. The job she’s eyeing sounds great on paper, but what if she takes the leap and it’s worse than the job she has?
And so it goes…
Here’s what I’ve learned about choosing between ideas and options —
(editor’s note: I do not have this mastered friends; we share what we need to remember…)
Everything works; nothing works
Which is to say simply, whatever you choose will likely work if you commit and lean into it. And whatever you choose will likely not work if you hesitate and second-guess it.
This is an annoying fact we must remind our over-thinking brains.
We put way too much pressure on any one choice to be THE choice. We plan, prepare, over-think, re-configure, discuss, research and fret about the potential paths in front of us, assuming that there is one right answer.
We assume there is some magical, ultimate answer that will unlock it all for us (and by extension then, that the other path is the wrong answer).
The truth is far less dramatic.
In most situations, our opportunity comes from our ongoing investment and commitment to said choice, not the choice itself.
(yes, I know this isn’t ALWAYS true, but we’re not talking about exceptions or extremes here, we’re talking about regular day-to-day choices in front of us)
Trust that once you decide, you can use all the indecision energy to ensure the success of your choice.
What matters now, might not matter later (and vice versa)
Our lives are lived in seasons.
Whether they match up with the natural world’s cycle is of little consequence; what’s important is remembering that the highs and the lows, the hard times and the prosperous times, the exhausting moments and the energy-filled, will ebb and flow throughout the course of our lives.
And that means that instead of assuming there’s ever one right answer, we can instead ask ourselves:
What’s right for me, in this season of my life and leadership?
The answer won’t always be the same. What matters to you right now, may not matter to you six months out (and vice versa).
Choosing based on where you are not, not based on where you once were or where you might be one day, offers freedom from that paradox of choice. You’re choosing for this season, not for forever.
Which leads me to…
(Almost) no choice is forever.
We put way too much pressure on any given choice because we believe we’re choosing for life (well, we don’t say we are choosing forever, but we act like we are).
Again, some choices are life-altering and those require a different set of criteria to discern how to proceed. But we’re not talking about those choices.
We’re talking about the choices that we encounter in our work that we spend precious hours toggling between, in hopes of getting it right.
Most choices we make can be re-made.
That job you take that turns out to be a dud? You can go apply for another one. The client you take on that turns out to be as frustrating as you initially assumed? You can let them go and find a better fit. That program you launch into the world when you’re not 100% certain is exactly what the market needs? You can evolve it over time.
I’m not making light of the time, opportunity cost and effort it takes into changing direction or having a hard conversation or leaving an opportunity as a result of a choice we made that didn’t work out.
It’s hard, messy and frustrating.
But you CAN make it if you need to.
And that knowing can serve as your reminder to take the risk to decide, rather than hesitate.
***
Having choice is a beautiful, complicated condition of living a life with privilege.
Making a choice is a practice of discernment, courage and a little bit of faith.
And leading from that choice is a commitment, an investment and ultimately, an exercise in self-trust.
