Last night, one of my best friends came over for coffee.
We caught up, talked kids, hubbies and the pursuit of work and motherhood.
As always, funny (and not so funny) memories came up from our past life of being roommates and colleagues in our non-profit communication jobs. And then of course, it turned to past relationships and a “I wonder what they’re up to now” conversation.
I told her how I had recently, while cleaning my office, found an email (that I printed and saved for some unknown reason) from a previous boyfriend. This long-time friend turned short-term boyfriend and I had a very ‘interesting’ relationship. And by interesting – I really mean, totally and utterly unhealthy.
It wasn’t great when we were friends and it was particularly toxic when we were dating. He had a lot of stuff going on and his inability to deal with it had a direct impact on me. I’m not talking physical abuse here – but certainly some serious emotional abuse. It wasn’t good.
Back to the email.
I re-read it just a few days ago, transporting me right back to the day it arrived in my inbox. It came about six months after our break-up. In it, he acknowledged how unfairly he treated me and how he was downright mean at times. He apologized for all of the cruel words he spoke and how he took me for granted. He shared that he’d been working extremely hard on changing his life, and how he wanted to make amends.
At the time I read it, I felt validated, relieved and like I had a bit of closure. It felt good. I was in a better place (by then I’d met my now-husband), and so was he – we could move on and be at peace with each other.
But as I re-read this email a few days ago – now many years later – all I could think was, “What kind of place was I in that I allowed myself to stay in this friendship for so long, and THEN decided it was a smart decision to date the man?”
I wanted to run back to my former-self and say, “Steph – you deserve more. You ARE more.” But then, I didn’t believe it. I’d been single for a long time, and I’ll be honest – I really wanted a relationship. I’d focused so much on my career – I felt really confident in that area, but when it came to my personal life – my confidence was at an all-time low and I doubted my ability to ever find someone that would love me.
So despite my intuition that was screaming, “this isn’t you – this isn’t right for you” – I listened to the limiting beliefs inside my head that said this was the best I could do.
Luckily, I got out of the relationship fairly quickly and went on a personal exploration to get ME back. I got healthy, I got a new job, I became a Top 40 Under 40 and I met my husband – all in about eight months. That happened ONLY because I made a conscious decision to do whatever it took to build my courage and confidence, and belief that I deserved more.
What does this have to do with you? Or with business?
Everything.
I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had over the years with women who doubt their own abilities, question their expertise, believe that they aren’t as good as the competition, and wonder if they’ll ever be able to make their business work.
Over time, these fears and beliefs become so ingrained and frequent, that it becomes their way of being in business. It no longer is about the occasional blip of worry, “Will this work?” but rather a patterned response of, “I’m not sure I can pull this off. Who do I think I am?”
This leads to less empowered business decisions and action (or lack thereof), which in turn leads to less than powerful results. And of course, this perpetuates the self-doubt and amplifies the fear. Can we say vicious circle?
I know that there are SO many things you need to focus on in your business every day from administration to client attraction to marketing to content creation to service delivery. I know it feels like you’ve got more than a full-time job some days and that this isn’t quite the dream you set out for yourself.
And I know that can leave you feeling tired, frustrated, resentful and doubtful. I know you see all the big claims online about your peers making multiple six figures and crushing it. And that makes you wonder if you have what it takes.
You do. I promise.
But what’s required, and what the Pros really know, is that business mastery begins with YOU.
It begins with believing, beyond doubt, that you can do this. That even if the shit hits the fan – you will get through and really build a thriving and profitable business. That you are enough. Right now.
Photo Credit: Flikr, seyed mostafa zamani
